I Just Can't Do It

As much as this ass of mine hurts, I just can't do it. I just can't subject myself to an ass exam. I would rather sit in pain. And so I do...sit. In pain. I don't know why, but it seems to hurt worse in the mornings. Maybe it is becoming arthritic. That would just be my luck. I fell down the stairs and gave my ass arthritis. Can that happen? Well, I am pretty sure if it can, it will happen to me. Maybe I will be the first case of ass arthritis. Luckily, I can't be the first case if I refuse to have an ass exam. So for crying out loud, I just can't do it! I am not going to end up some picture in a book with little arrows pointing at my ass crack to show where the arthritic coccyx is. No thanks. Also, knowing my luck, some hottie hot ER doctor would walk in and I would be mortified that I had to show this hot doc my arthritic ass. Nope, the whole thing is just too much. I am going AMA and NOT to the ER. So there. Sorry Dr. C.